I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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