Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
