Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
