i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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