I need help removing her.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
