He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
