tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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