My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just cut my nipple shaving
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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