I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
