Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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