did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
