If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
