In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
