I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
