girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
