I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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