you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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