i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
