i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
