remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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