I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
