I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
