The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
