i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
