Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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