you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
