a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
