Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
