you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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