one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
