turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
