hotel room ftw
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
