when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
