I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
