fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
