Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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