Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize