you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
