jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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