Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's never too late to be topless.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
