would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
