I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's always time for handjobs
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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