This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
