now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
