She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
