i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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