I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
