sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
