I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
