My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
