he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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