I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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