i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
