I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
