the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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