My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
