Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize