Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
