Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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