I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
