dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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