I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
