That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
