uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
