pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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