she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
