yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
