My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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