I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
