What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
