My sheets look like a crime scene.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
