i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize