I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
